My Prayer

Dear God,

Let me have a passion and let me live for it. Let me wake up each morning to make my dream come true. Let each moment alive be inspired. Let me want something so bad, so bad that I can't live without it.

Thats all

Me

Life beckons! Life beacons!

I wandered along a unit of time, and I wondered if I can call it "Life".

I say no, it can't be so, just some stuff happening over a period of time? Is this all that is my life?

A series of happenings, perhaps?

Of questions and answers maybe...

A herd of Actions?

Or a bunch of results? Karma & Karma phalla?

A race to the end? The end being Death?

A wait.

A lesson learnt...

Chaos?

A process of unfoldment...

A journey.

When the going gets tough...I get going.

After a rather short stint in Mumbai, I rushed home at the call of my mother and my inner voice. The situation at home was as it had been for the last three years now, except a little worse. A happy home it has been in the toughest of situations, and everyone here hates to admit it, even when the evidence that we are going through a tough time, is extremely high. I have to give it to the Puri's for this, there is no such thing as a family "Crisis" in our dictionary, we have seen too many to call them that.

Its a loving home. Created by loving parents. A great place to come home to after a tiring day. To be honest, Mumbai had been tough on me the last few days before I came home, so when mom called, I did not argue, I packed my bags and left. For the first time realizing what a loving home my parents had made for me and how fortunate I was to have them.

First two weeks back home were blissful. Being with them, making my folks smile, it was the absolute best feeling, always is. I saw myself being sensitive towards them, thinking of them more than of myself. Long chats with mom were an absolute delight, even she was surprised that I enjoyed them so much! I feel truly blessed to have a mother, friend, philosopher and guide all in one. I discovered a friend in my mom, and that is perhaps the greatest return gift I shall take from this trip back home. It's amazing how I never bothered to see this side to her before, the same things that I love about her now, I would find annoying just a few months back! It is true, when something is taken away from you, you realize its true worth.

The thought of going back scares me. Even though I have a choice today, I choose to go back to that place, where my mom isn't there, that place which offers me challenges on a silver platter, no comfort. But I choose to make that, less comfortable choice, because I have faith.

Everything I dreamt of being as a little girl was in line with this. I want to be confident, independent. I want to be a person who seizes opportunities and doesn't run away from whats tough. This is one of those moments in life, when you know that the choice you take at this instant will make all the difference. It will define who you are.

I know what I stand for. I know what will be said about me in my obituary. They will say:

When the going gets tough, Natasha always, got going.

Zenyasi & I

06-09-2009

Dear Goondu, Independence is the best Gift of Love. Think.

Love Mitrananda.

I have been fortunate. Blessed perhaps. Zenyasi, as most know him, has been more than a teacher to me. A parent, a Guru, a friend, philosopher and guide. I have felt his presence in my life constantly and have grown up, holding his hand. With such love he has raised me, it is rare that one experiences such love in one’s lifetime.

The love of a Guru is purer than even that of a parent. Who could have imagined, and so I say not many experience such love, love in its completeness. With absolute selflessness he takes you under his care, helps you grow. Sometimes with the help of a stick he disciplines you, forces you to look within, to introspect, to transform, to reflect. At other times he looks at you with overwhelming affection and love, or holds your hand, or gives the warmest hug.

Like the Eagle that pushes its eaglets so that they may fly, fly high, the Guru, pushes the child so that he may truly soar the skies of freedom.

That which ties us down, can that be love at all?

My salutations to the one, who taught me to be dependent on no one.

My love to the one, who loves me the most.

My gratitude to the one, who makes me think.

To my Zenyasi.

Date with Mumbai

Day 3

So, this section of the blog titled "Date with Mumbai" shall begin with Day 3 simply because I have just about started comprehending where I am right now. Though most of you know it well, just as I thought I did, I am talking about Mumbai.

The movies give you this idea about the place and when you get here, its almost magical. You try to see things just as they show them in those bollywood masala flicks, the slums, the people, the trains, the rush etc. etc. Though all of it doesn't seem to be true, some of it might have some truth in it. I can't say for sure, as the Demystification of Mumbai continues.

Now, one would wonder, what's the big deal...why is this girl writing about Mumbai and all so enthusiastically, considering half the world stays in that city. While that is almost true, for me this is a huge change. I have never been away from home, except my 3 months in Chinmaya Vibhooti in Kolwan, which was still very protected and after all it was an ashram. And here I am, almost thrown into this whirlpool of a place, with its own rules, its own ways, its own culture.

The other reason for all the excitement around Mumbai is that it's Mumbai you know! The place where Shahrukh lives! The place where the Underworld rules...Bollywood rules...so many experiences are undergone by so many in this very city! There is this hysteria, this legend around this place, and however dumb it sounds, I find it pretty magical.

So lessons learnt on Day 3:

Distance: Mumbai is all about the distance. But to aid us there is the BRILLIANT public transport system. Love it! In Mumbai, travelling in cars is totally uncool. Trains are coolio.

Time: Here the evening begins at night and night doesn't really come at all, I think. People are in a hurry. There is movement everywhere, in the ladies compartment in a train, on the platform, in the auto, on the roads. Everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere. I just hope they know where they are heading. And for what.

Culture: This place has reinforced my understanding that a strong sense of culture is the foundation to a disciplined and balanced society. For, the people here are so considerate, I mean, considering the pace of the city, One would think people would be ready to walk all over each other, trying to win in the rat race. But it is not so. Atleast till now, my experiences here have shown a side of people I didn't think Big cities were capable of producing (rather preserving). The safety of women, is an effect of this one cause, which is a strong sense of culture.

That's all for now folks!

And this chapter of Date with Mumbai can be called:

"There is never nothing happening."

The Insignificance in Solitude

Staring at the plastered walls around me

I wonder how I got here.

From the very first day of this known life, I try to remember

Each choice I made, each decision.

Unaware of my power I went on, till I got to this.

Every thought brings with it a feeling,

Of happiness, pleasure, others of remorse and regret

Yet some power in me observes these objectively

It has no eyes, it feels nothing

It judges me not, just watches.

It sits there, uneffected, shining.

What are these thoughts, feelings and discomforts?

They donot bother me.

They pass, I remain a passerby, ever alert, yet uninvolved.

Ever independent, ever humble, I realizes its insignificance.

While I fade away, I remain.