Monday, October 26, 2009

Life beckons! Life beacons!

I wandered along a unit of time, and I wondered if I can call it "Life".
I say no, it can't be so, just some stuff happening over a period of time? Is this all that is my life?

A series of happenings, perhaps?
Of questions and answers maybe...
A herd of Actions?
Or a bunch of results? Karma & Karma phalla?
A race to the end? The end being Death?
A wait.
A lesson learnt...

A process of unfoldment...

A journey.

When the going gets tough...I get going.

After a rather short stint in Mumbai, I rushed home at the call of my mother and my inner voice. The situation at home was as it had been for the last three years now, except a little worse. A happy home it has been in the toughest of situations, and everyone here hates to admit it, even when the evidence that we are going through a tough time, is extremely high. I have to give it to the Puri's for this, there is no such thing as a family "Crisis" in our dictionary, we have seen too many to call them that.
Its a loving home. Created by loving parents. A great place to come home to after a tiring day. To be honest, Mumbai had been tough on me the last few days before I came home, so when mom called, I did not argue, I packed my bags and left. For the first time realizing what a loving home my parents had made for me and how fortunate I was to have them.
First two weeks back home were blissful. Being with them, making my folks smile, it was the absolute best feeling, always is. I saw myself being sensitive towards them, thinking of them more than of myself. Long chats with mom were an absolute delight, even she was surprised that I enjoyed them so much! I feel truly blessed to have a mother, friend, philosopher and guide all in one. I discovered a friend in my mom, and that is perhaps the greatest return gift I shall take from this trip back home. It's amazing how I never bothered to see this side to her before, the same things that I love about her now, I would find annoying just a few months back! It is true, when something is taken away from you, you realize its true worth.

The thought of going back scares me. Even though I have a choice today, I choose to go back to that place, where my mom isn't there, that place which offers me challenges on a silver platter, no comfort. But I choose to make that, less comfortable choice, because I have faith.
Everything I dreamt of being as a little girl was in line with this. I want to be confident, independent. I want to be a person who seizes opportunities and doesn't run away from whats tough. This is one of those moments in life, when you know that the choice you take at this instant will make all the difference. It will define who you are.

I know what I stand for. I know what will be said about me in my obituary. They will say:

When the going gets tough, Natasha always, got going.